forgive me if i sound a little andy in my rooney, today, but i have to question the actual importance of the invention of bokodes.
for those who haven't heard, bokodes are a proposed replacement for traditional barcodes, that consist of a tiny LED, covered with a mask, and a lens, that can be jam packed with all sorts of information, then stamped onto damn near anything. the bokode can then be read by any camera, including cameraphones, to unlock that treasure trove of knowledge.
what kind of applications do the inventors of the bokode envision? the most widespread use would of course be consumer products of any kind. anything that already has a barcode could be fitted with a bokode, and what's more, the bokode could house scores more information than a traditional barcode. information such as price, nutrition facts, a link to the company's website, satanic verses, the dead sea scrolls, or even a step by step guide on how squirrel rectums and processed corn sugar come together to make your hotdogs so delicious, could be included in the bokode. but wait, there's more! bokodes send out different information depending on what angle the picture is taken at, so while you're having a little photo shoot with the coco puffs, "your cookoo, your absolutely cookoo, baby! show me tasty! oh yeah, the camera loves you!" the generic caca poops (oh, kindergarten jokes, will you never get old?) to the left, can shoot over a message saying, "hey, look over here, the big ziplock bag with the cracked out dodo bird on it. i'm cheaper!" and the wheat chex to your right can sit there quietly, because they already know, if you're too goddamn lazy to reach out and pick up the 12 oz box 2 feet in front of your fat face, and read the fucking nutrition facts off the side, then glance one inch down and see how much they cost, you ain't eatin' nothin' that doesn't have a cracked out animal on the box and an easy to swallow decoder ring inside.
even better for the lazy consumer is this: while the standard barcode costs only a fraction of a fraction of a cent (the cost of the necessary black ink) to print on a product, the bokode can be available for the low, low price of $5 a piece. sweet! so now i have to stand in the cereal aisle, snapping pictures of every single box i might be interested in buying so i can find out how much they cost, and what the nutritional content is, and it will only double the price of the product? when can we make this happen?!
god forbid we all snap out of our comatose consumer stupor, and realize that socialized medicine means we save a couple hundred bucks a month on insurance bills, even though we have to pay a couple more bucks a month in taxes, yet apparently it's red team fuckin' go on adding a $5 computer chip to the rice krispies, because enough americans have become so disgustingly lazy, stupid, and machine dependent that they can't pick up the box to read the words on the side, let alone compare and contrast numerical values to figure out which wacky cartoon animal has the cheaper food thingies inside?
me hungry! me need put food in face! how much this cost?! what these markings on side box? no can understand. magic phone, make food no be mean to me! make food go in face!
another use of the bokode is quick information about buildings that are around you. just slap a bokode on the facade of the building and you can grind your car to a screeching halt in the middle of the street to take a photo of it, then hold up traffic while your phone unzips the information, and you process it the only way you know how: from a glowing rectangle.
"hey, ma, what's that there muck dunn alds? stop the dang car, let me take a pitcher phone of it. oh hey ma! look like they got them some burgers and whatnots up in that there muckdunnalds. and look at this here crazy clown they got a dancin' around on their dubbya dubbya site! ain't he funny to beat all? let's stop ma, let's stop and get us some burgers and such! i sure am hongry, on accounta i ain't ate nothin' since that poppies chicken we had fiteen minutes ago."
i'm not even going to dignify the other uses of the bokode with my ridicule (as they all serve similar functions), because my point is that it's pretty obvious to me that if this is the kind of sorry, pathetic shape we are in as a species, we need all the help and healthcare we can get. but i guess we're all happier wasting our money on new and improved ways to waste our money. besides, most americans won't be able to read this anyway, since it's got all kinds of fancy words in it (ironically, most americans can probably recognize the word "fancy", thanks to mcDonald's fancy "ketchup").
in summary, me no like bokode. bokode make not smart. me donate $5 bokode price to socialized medicine. MIT shove moron chip up caca poops hole.
and you know i'm right, because you read it on a glowing rectangle.
5 comments:
isn't it sad that people like that guy in the last picture cruise around safeway with their carts full of crap foods and they give a dirty stare back at you like "what are you looking at?" um, you, fat ass.
and god forbid you simply reply with the truth, "i wish i wasn't looking at you, but i find it hard to see anything else. hold still a second, i think i see the bakery section just over your eastern horizon."
HA!
i crack myself up.
by the by, quick food for thought. where are this man's genitals, and how does he use/access them?
haha eastern horizon! Yea, you can see the bakery section, but what's left of it? He completely destroyed it with his cart looking for more bear claws!
im assuming his "goods" are somewhere buried deep beneath his 5 foot long, saggy ass stomach. Can you imagine what they must look like? ew. theres no way they can be in any way functional.
now a question for you:
how does he wipe his ass after taking a poop the size of a small child?
sadly i know from work experience, he doesn't wipe. if he doesn't have a bidet, it's a lost cause.
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