the circus

are we still playing spaceman?

look, you NASA idiots, this isn't rocket science. why the hell are we still in space?

what are we achieving? are we hoping to find a giant old man in a robe and sandals walking around up there? or perhaps we are looking for oil?

because i personally can't conceive of any reason to be up there, other than it seems like a cool place to vacation.

and now the toilet's broken. good one, morons. first the shingles are falling off, now the john is on the fritz. hey, look, if people want to go to space to hang out and piss on themselves, let them pay their own way. i'm sick of pretending like there's a reason to explore infinite nothingness. so what if, thousands of years in the future, we find life on another planet, or, it finds us? OK. sooooo... who cares? what are we going to do about it? and why is it any different than finding new life forms here on earth?

and what makes us think other life in the universe wants to meet us? either they show up at our place, and discover what a disasterfuck of a species we are, or we show up at theirs, on a macgyvered space shuttle, with shingles falling off the roof, and a plastic bag full of excrement stapled to the escape hatch like we're the fucking beverly hillbillies. either way, we make for an unimpressive sight. meanwhile, we are removing things that sound sort of important (the boom sensor system?) to make room for some shit that japan wanted us to take up there for them. what are we, the goddamn interstellar pony express? take your own shit into space, japan. clearly we are having enough trouble taking a shit in space, as it is, we don't have time to take yours, too. what's more, we are considering flying japan's shit over to cape canaveral, and adding it to the shuttle's payload during the countdown. during the countdown? are we shipping it with DHL? can we not get it there a little earlier? or perhaps delay the countdown for 20 minutes while we get some lumpers to strap it to the roof? now we're really looking like the clampetts.

the huffington post is relieved to announce that, "the liquid waste gathering part of the toilet has been working on-and-off. fortunately, the solid waste collecting part is functioning normally." hold on, wouldn't it be more fortunate if the part that wasn't working was the solid waste part?, at least then you could drop a loaf and maybe stick it in a box or a bag or something. instead we are relieved that these people are floating around up there in a cloud of piss, trying to fan it into the emergency escape pod somehow? the post also reports that, "russian officials don't know the cause of the problem and the crew has been unable to fix it." you idiots! you are supposed to be the most capable, intelligent, people on the planet, that's why you're astronauts, that's why everyone wants to be like you when they grow up, and you're telling me that the fat slob who can't manage to keep his pants all the way up, still makes jokes about "them beaners", and drives a busted van around town sticking his hand down clogged drains is more capable than you are?

sweet roto-rooter, i guess this really isn't rocket science, after all.