Showing posts with label alternative energy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alternative energy. Show all posts

July 24, 2009

brainCandy

toyota's new green promotion: using yesterday's innovation to create tomorrow's problems... today

toyota has launched a new ad campaign aimed at selling prii. the campaign involves a touring fleet of giant daisy statue installation art. the daisies do double duty as kitschy urban corporate art, and "recharge stations", where people can charge up their phones and other personal electronic devices thanks to the solar tiles mounted on the back of the flower, or simply sit and enjoy the free wifi while they recharge their own batteries (currently on the east coast, but headed westward soon). what does this have to do with selling hybrids?

nothing.


there's just something so beautiful about toyota's marketing plan. i think it has something to do with their ability to convince you that they are the best choice, despite the truth, by playing off of people's inborn desire to go with the trends while simultaneously craving the aplomb that comes with being a pioneer of new trends.

never mind that both GM, ford, and toyota themselves, had full electric vehicles years before the prius hybrid hit the scene. never mind that the first gen honda insight, as well as the older cr-x's have been doing the see-through trunk, abbreviated tear-drop rear end since years before toyota, and that the new insight is clearly a 4-door evolution of the original insight styling. never mind that the prius only averages 39mpg in most road tests that involve driving in the real world (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). never mind that toyota makes two of the biggest automobiles on the road (the tundra and sequoia), or that they have 17 cars in their lineup, 9 of which are trucks or SUVs, while big bad chevy has only 15, with 7 being trucks or SUVs.

never mind those facts, while toyota convinces you that the prius is the most advanced technology on the market, while they tell you that honda copied their styling, while they tell you that the prius gets 51/48 mpg, while they tell you that they are the small car captains of industry, while they tell you that they are the brand that is fighting for the little guy and his little car demands.

so how do they do it? how do they get the world to turn a blind eye to everything they are, and shout from the mountaintops everything they are not?

simple. catering to the simple minded.

the funny thing is, the simple minded may not be the ones your daddy told you about all those years. the simple minded, in this case, are the "hippies", or more accurately, the trustafarians, the neo-yuppies, and, occasionally, the new urban douchebags.

the simple fact about simple mindedness is this: there's a LOT of simple minded people out there; more than ever before, and they aren't just the people with the "cowboy up", "fuck dog, beware of owner", and "guns don't kill people, i kill people" bumper stickers. the sad truth is, the large majority of people driving around with "obama/biden", and "don't blame me, i voted for nader" stickers on their cars are just as simple minded as the rubes from any other demographic, they're just lucky enough to be en vogue these days.

so while chevy gets howie long to try and convince you that squeezing 1 more mpg out of their tahoe hybrid is a huge leap forward (and let's face it, it is for chevy), and ford gets the guy from dirty jobs to swing an F-150 around on a wrecking ball crane, by the trailer hitch, or dennis leary to yak about how real men need real-time integrated tow-assist, toyota gets a fleet of spandex clad interpretive dancers to pretend to be trees. or in the case of this newest ad blitz, not telling anyone (its not even on their website) that they are touring major cities throughout the US, installing temporary street art, using decades old technology, to create yet another quirky place to pamper your glowing rectangle obsession.

much like starbucks sucked in billions by convincing them of the "third place" concept (the idea that people have home to perfect their inner self, and work to perfect their outer citizen, but require a third place to allow the two to achieve harmony) toyota is taking it one step farther to convince you that, if the world just builds itself around you, you can be your own third place.

i think it's a great idea, this self contained third place. between giant daisy statues, and public outhouses (they are out there), all the world needs to do is provide some kind of public shower set up, and we can all live happy homeless.

the only problem with this as a way to sell toyotas, is that nothing about this ad campaign has anything to do with cars, nor does it display an ability to utilize innovative technology in a creative capacity. its just solar panels glued to the back of a giant daisy, which will no doubt, eventually end up in a scrap heap, or junk yard, or landfill, never biodegrading, or breaking down. just a whole garden of massive rusty flowers, like some sick alice in wonderland playset.

but if you look through the bullshit, if you see this ad campaign for what it is: a "look at me, look at me!" use of deco urban art, dated technology, and future trash, to pander to the "me first" crowd, you actually get a pretty good look at what toyota really is. in fact, a prius that uses a basic combustion engine paired with a electric motor, with a solar panel on the roof (only hooked to the AC. why?), that tells you in real-time what kind of mpg you are getting (as though, if your mpg dips too low, you will just pull over to the side of the road and walk the rest of the way) is a total sham.

the jetta TDI clean diesel loyal edition averages 36mpg in real world driving without hybrid assistance, the chevy volt runs on pure electric power for 40 miles before switching over to gas, texas instruments has been making calculators that run purely on solar panels since before i was born, and both full electric vehicles, and 60 mile batteries were available over a decade ago. an innovative use of cutting edge technology would be a car that runs on pure electric for over 60 miles, then switches to a hybrid that marries an electric engine to a clean diesel engine, and powers all electric gizmos and doodads in the cabin with the roof mounted solar panel (the roof of a car accommodates a pretty healthy sized solar panel). now that car would sell itself. of course, if you read this last paragraph thoroughly, you would already be saying to yourself, "an innovative use of cutting edge technology would be to bring back full electric cars, and make giant daisy statues that you can use to recharge said cars".

so if toyota is nothing more than the starbucks to chevy's dunkin' donuts, what's got us all so hot and bothered to ride the prius wave? what do lycra-clad people trees, and solar powered daisy shaped surge protectors have to do with making a decent car or saving the environment? what does toyota have that isn't offered in a better, cheaper, or more advanced version somewhere else? what makes toyota so special?

nothing.

that's the beauty of it.


June 24, 2009

ohmyGOD! france built an air powered car! ohmyGOD! it only costs $4,000! ohmyGOD! it looks like a rocket powered lima bean! ohmyGOD!ohmyGODohmyGOD!


my parents tell me that when i was a baby, i couldn't wait to crawl, and once i figured that out, all i wanted to do was escape from things and go exploring. at the tender age of two, i apparently decided that i knew how to rock climb, and tested that theory out on the hallway cabinets. apparently, i did know how to climb. what i didn't know was how to tie myself into a harness, safely belay said harness, or rappel down a sheer face. it was at this point i exercised my only option, and jumped from the top of the cabinets, busting open my head on a broken door handle on the way down.

the lesson here is, at first, exploring new things may seem like an amazing, unparalleled adventure to some, while to others, it may seem like a painful step backward, often to the hospital for stitches.

now, maybe it's the multiple head injuries i've sustained, but i'm the type of guy who loves a good trip to the hospital, if it means i'm having an adventure (and what trip to the emergency room isn't an adventure?). i think it's because of just that. going to the hospital is an adventure, and adventure, no matter how painful it may be, and how bad failure can hurt, means that there is progress being made, new frontiers explored, i am living long and prospering, and all that... that said, i'd like to talk to you about our reluctance as a species to embrace new things, simply because they might require that we, momentarily, step back from the degree of luxury, or awesomeness that we have already become accustomed. and i'd like to start with another bit of nostalgia from my youth...

you know, i have this old air compressor in my garage. it's been down there since my grandpa bought it, like 75 years ago. it's never really needed any kind of tune up, or repair, though it has been in use consistently since it was purchased, and it's performance has never waned, or faded.

so, as you might imagine, when i heard that france has created a car that runs on compressed air, my reaction was something like this:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU CAN MAKE A CAR THAT RUNS ON COMPRESSED FUCKING AIR?!!! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT WE COULD HAVE BEEN BEING DRIVING AROUND IN AIR POWERED CARS SINCE THE BEGINNING?! WE COULD HAVE BEEN BEING DOING THIS SINCE THE INVENTION OF MECHANICALLY COMPRESSED GAS?!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW AWESOME AIR CARS WOULD BE BY NOW?!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE THIS WOULD HAVE SAVED THE WORLD?????!!!! GET THE FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF FUCKING TOWN!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING?!!! MY GOD, MAN!!!!!! AIR POWERED GODDAMNED CARS!!!!!

yeah, if i recall correctly, it went sumthin' like that. hard to say exactly, since i blacked out at one point, and woke up in my garage attempting to strangle my air compressor, and cursing the french for myriad reasons.

now, before we all go nuts here, allow me to point out the downfalls of the new technology, the ways in which we would need to step back a bit in order to embrace this thing. firstly, oil, hydrogen, biodiesel, hybrid, water and all that other cool stuff that we can run cars on, and some big company gets to charge you for, go belly up (not really a downfall, unless you have a big stake in the auto sector of those industries, and don't think you can get a job somewhere else in the industry). secondly, the company, MDI, can only promise (for the first model in production) just under 10hp, for a top speed of 50mph. third, it has a range of about 90 miles per fill up. fourth, and finally, the car is godawful hideous. it looks like a wad of flubber with big adorable kitten eyes.

now the upside: it's a freakin' car that runs on freakin' air for 4 freakin' grand!!!!

that aside. it can also be "refueled" in a matter of a couple of minutes, for the cost of 1 cent per mile. it's also a freakin' car that runs on freakin' air! i think we really do need to step back a second here, and make sure that we encourage the support and development of this new technology. i don't care how fast it goes, or how far it goes, or how ugly it is. we need to keep in mind that this is a prototype, of a first model. the fact that this exists at all is flubbergasting (get it? because it looks like flubber. i crack myself up). if we allow some time, this technology will push forward, no doubt at an amazing rate. i have no doubt that, given the right amount of enthusiasm for this project, our grandchildren would never have to have personal experience with what a really dumb idea the petroleum powered internal combustion engine was. but we need to give this thing time, and effort.

let's face it, we didn't start making internal combustion engines that went 150mph for 350 miles per tank right away. it took time. it took work. and if you are one of those stitches are a bad thing, the glass is half empty, don't fuck with my energy futures stock portfolio, the devil you know... type of people, all i ask is that you not stand in the way of the people who are willing to make a go at this. i also ask that you have a little patience...

remember, you have to learn to crawl... before you can rock climb with no spotter, crash pad, helmet, or safety harness.