what the what?
you know, i'm against breast cancer. further still, i would very much like to help out the developmentally disabled.
so when some charity or organization puts together a run/walk, or some other such thing, i am happy to consider offering my time and effort to draw attention to the cause, and even donate some money.
now there are a handful of orgs out there that are smart enough to go a little farther, and make the PR event something really really big. for example, susan g komen foundation has their three day, 60 mile walk for breast cancer, and maria shriver's best buddies challenge has a 100 mile bike ride for the mentally disabled.
great ideas!
it doesn't cost anything to walk or ride a bike, no matter how far, or for how long. cuts the overhead down to like nothing, plus these ludicrous distances and time frames will surely draw attention to the event, consequently the cause, and in turn bring in lots of donors.
where do i sign? says i.
sixteen hundred dollars, please. says maria shriver.
twenty-three hundred dollars please. says the ghost of susan g komen. or, more likely, says nancy g brinker, as the ghost of susan g komen rolls over in her grave.
we'll take whatever help you want to offer. says every person actually suffering from these or any other incurable disease or disability.
look, you a-holes, if i'm willing to be a tool in your little PR scheme to get donors for your cause, i actually shouldn't have to donate any money, what with me doing all the work and all. so if i'm still willing to donate some money to the cause, and do all the PR work for you, then whatever i want to donate should be just fine with you. don't tell me i can't help you unless i pay you an unreasonable amount of money for the opportunity to do so.
my god, between the majority of the population not donating anything to charity unless the GAP gives them a t-shirt to show off their fancy pants good will, and the charities themselves demanding that nobody can participate unless they have the means to become upper class by the time they show up at the event, it's a wonder god hasn't smote us yet for our incredible lack of compassion for our fellow living things.
you know, i can go to a surfrider beach cleanup event, and they don't make me pay shit, plus when i am done, they still offer me things like t shirts, CD's concert tickets, bumper stickers, reusable grocery bags, hats, magazines... the list goes on.
and what's cool about that, to me, is that i can go help out this cause, and they don't ask me for money, and i don't have to take the things they offer in return, and even if i did, they aren't things that scream to the world, "hey, look at me! i donated money to a cause, and in return i was physically rewarded for my 'donation', which was whittled down to almost nothing by the corporate middleman who is taking most of it for itself, and getting a tax kickback on the rest!"
and don't tell me i that the ghost of susan g komen, or maria shriver are offering me an experience i can't get anywhere else, and that is worth the ginormous "fundraising commitment".
let's use the shriver event for an example. first of all, your overhead on the event itself is nothing. volunteers are providing all the legwork (literally), and the post event party is being held at hearst castle, a state park. must be so hard to book that location... when your husband is the governor. and as for the band, and BBQ, let me guess, the food was donated, the servers/cooks are also volunteers, and the band is playing for free (and they probably suck). and as for the final piece of the puzzle? the part where this is all put together, and money raised? well, apparently the participants are also doing all the fundraising, and as for setting the whole thing up? once again, her hubby probably helped secure permits, and getting a band and a BBQ together isn't exactly difficult. one person with a cell phone and a BBQ could do that in the span of a standard workday.
"oh, but dave, shriver is doing 2 of these events, and one of them isn't in california, where she is first lady of the state"
true, dissenting voice in my head. the other event is in new england, starting in boston, and ending at the kennedy compound.
now those locations must have been hard to book... for a kennedy.
look, i can ride my bike up highway 1 for 655.843 miles, if i really wanted to, and on the way i could stop at hearst castle, take a tour, grab a burger for lunch somewhere, and maybe see a (good) show later, all for under $50 (the registration fee, or non-refundable cost of even attempting to participate in the shriver event), then give any amount of money i can afford to help out breast cancer research, or the mentally disabled, and know that that money is going straight to the source.
and so, i am proposing the circus' first annual (or whatever) any K ride/run/walk/swim/eat/(fill in the blank) -athon against designer charities and their corporate partnerships.
there is no entry fee, there is no fixed distance, amount, etc you must donate, complete, or overcome, and there is no particular charity you have to donate to.
all you have to do, is do something awesome that shows a willingness to sacrifice your comfort for a cause. go jog around the block, for all i care, see how many donuts you can eat before you throw up, see how long you can hold your breath underwater, but while you do it think about the cause you want to donate to. now obviously it would be better if what you were doing had some loose connection to the cause you were donating to (using a wheel chair all day, to support amputees, or playing beer pong with o'douls to support mothers against drunk drivers, for example) or had some interesting quirk that drew attention to you (jogging in a sequined unitard, or putting on a monkey suit and climbing every tree in your local park, you get the picture). but i won't dictate the commitment, because that goes against the storied tradition of the circus' first annual (or whatever) a.K.r./r./w./s./e./(f.i.t.b.)-a.a.d.c.a.t.c.p.. the only thing i deem necessary to be a part of the a.K.r./r./w./s./e./(f.i.t.b.)-a.a.d.c.a.t.c.p. is that you do something interesting and unusual (to your normal routine, or lifestyle) with a charity in mind, then you donate money straight to that charity, receiving nothing in return, except some sort of proof of donation (a receipt/confirmation email/thank you card, not a t shirt, coffee mug, gift basket).
if i can get enough people on board for this, maybe the circus will provide some t shirts for this event (that you will have to pay for, at cost, because if i gave it to you just for participating, or if i made any money off of it, it wouldn't be in the spirit of the a.K.r./r./w./s./e./(f.i.t.b.)-a.a.d.c.a.t.c.p.).
but here's what i can give you in return: for every odd thing you do for your charity (and i must have proof that you did it, take a picture, shoot some video, whatever, it must be hard evidence), i will match your effort (so long as it doesn't physically harm me to the point of outside medical care, cost me a large amount of money, or break any laws or morals deemed by myself to be just).
how's that for incentive? that ought to up the ante.
and so it was... the (fill in the blank)-athon was born, and it was good!
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