one douglas spink, of whatcom county, WA, was arrested on charges (no, not of running a tourist bestiality [yes, that is how it's spelled. i thought it was weird, too] ranch) of violating his parole. his parole dictates that he refrain from breaking any laws during his term.
uhhhh... duh?
but why is the man on parole?
he was busted for smuggling over 350 pounds of cocaine (street value $34mil) across washington state in the trunk of his car.
holy fuck! did they catch him when the cop pulled him over to alert him that his bumper was scrapping the pavement?
350 pounds of nose candy! that's enough to get a whole stable of horses high out of their minds...
...and segue!(jazz hands!)!!
this week, spink was caught at his home, which he apparently was using as a tourist bestiality ranch with animals ranging from horses that were hung like, uh, horses, to vaseline covered mice with amputated tails, and little tiny leashes around their necks (i wonder what they did with those... pooooop! :) ).
oddly, spink has not been charged with bestiality, or even assisting in bestiality (which is also a crime in WA, thank gawd) despite the fact that video was found of an english man fucking a dog at the ranch, and here's the best part of this brit's story: he was found still on the premises, wearing the same outfit he was wearing in the video! HA... HA... HAAAAAA!
"bloody 'ell, i didn't 'ave time to change, mate. i been up all night editing this thing. these cut away shots ain't gonna star wipe them selves, is they, guv'nah? plus dog spunk is wicked 'ard to get out of tweed."
but the plot thickens...
spink was discovered when a tennessee public defender alerted the authorities to spink's incessant calls regarding a bestiality trial in his state that involved a man filming another man being fucked by a horse. shortly after they wrapped the film, the (human) male lead died of internal injuries he sustained from having a 2 foot cock jammed up his rectum! HA... HA... HAAAAAAAAAAA!!
"yee'haw! that there pony was balls deep fer a while der, cooter! i sure do wonder where he stuck it all... hold on a cotton pickin' second, i think i gots blood comin' outta both ends. tarnation!"
now, on a serious note, there was of course also child pornography found on the ranch. but on the bright side, no children were found tied to any radiators, or living in stables, or grazing in the pastures, or anything, so hopefully we can assume this was just some stuff he found on the internet, and didn't himself abuse any more children than have already been abused, but really, who the hell knows what's going on with this guy at this point? ugh, i can just see the guy prancing around the pasture in nothing but cowboy boots making warm-fuzzy fingers at all his little "ponies". the sad thing is, being raped in prison is going to be more reward than punishment for this guy.
that said, the comedy just won't stop...
spink, who was apparently a no nonsense go go corporate takeover type in the 90's, would buy and sell lucrative small businesses for breakfast, and lists rock climbing and base jumping (not throbbing veiny stallion penis, or the delicate tickle of a mutilated rodent on his lower intestine?) as his turn ons.
of course he went broke and filed for bankruptcy with millions in outstanding debt.
great! we funded this flaccid dog wanker (best insult of the week? yesss)?!
bankruptcy in the bank, so to speak, spink began drug running across the oregon-washington border for a major pot and cocaine kingpin.
what saddens me about this story, is that none of this, not one single detail, surprises me. everything about this guy, this ranch, this story, these supporting characters says "bankrupt ex-power broker adrenaline junkie turns cocaine mule, hermits away into forested clandestine bestiality stronghold for european tourists... tennessee".
come on, man! this... this... THIS story has become cliché?
we have seen this shit so often that i actually predicted things as i was reading the article? yes, evidently we have.
we are trying to have a society, people! what the hell is wrong with us?
there is a long list of answers to that question, but let's start with this one: spink described his ranch thusly:
Exitpoint Stallions [HA... HAAAAA!] Limitee
Are we unconventional in our approach to stallion care? Absolutely.
We don't wall off sexual energy in our stallions as something dangerous or inappropriate [yes, spink, redirecting a horse's sexual energy toward human beings is ever so much safer and more appropriate than horses just fucking other horses. those deviants!], but rather channel that energy towards positive, safe, appropriate paths. There's a proper time and place for it, and we work towards those sorts of skills rather than fighting un-winnable fights against deeply-rooted instincts.
... and nobody suspected a thing.
...and he's not being charged with bestiality.
2 comments:
I think the thing is humans have always been doing shit *this* ridiculous for centuries (I think Bestiality laws go back further than sodomy/homosexuality laws in this country, cause it's easier to bugger another consenting adult than animal... that's more of a tackle and insert operation... not that I know for sure), but due to the constant "news" force feeding that we get (and have gotten for at least 25 years) makes such stories completely normal, even the most fervent Tea Bagger, in reality,doesn't get this upset reading shit like this. I don't know what to think of it, 40 years ago if I got caught getting blown or fucked in the ass in an airport bathroom, I would have made the paper. Nowadays I have to be a republican politician to make any kind of news. I'll leave that up to the audience to decide if that's better or worse for society.
Holy crap that is a crazy story. I feel like I need to take a shower after reading that or get on the internet. There is a lot of cool stuff out there that I am missing out on! Keep up the good work Dave.
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