brainCandy

toyota's new green promotion: using yesterday's innovation to create tomorrow's problems... today

toyota has launched a new ad campaign aimed at selling prii. the campaign involves a touring fleet of giant daisy statue installation art. the daisies do double duty as kitschy urban corporate art, and "recharge stations", where people can charge up their phones and other personal electronic devices thanks to the solar tiles mounted on the back of the flower, or simply sit and enjoy the free wifi while they recharge their own batteries (currently on the east coast, but headed westward soon). what does this have to do with selling hybrids?

nothing.

there's just something so beautiful about toyota's marketing plan. i think it has something to do with their ability to convince you that they are the best choice, despite the truth, by playing off of people's inborn desire to go with the trends while simultaneously craving the aplomb that comes with being a pioneer of new trends.

never mind that both GM, ford, and toyota themselves, had full electric vehicles years before the prius hybrid hit the scene. never mind that the first gen honda insight, as well as the older cr-x's have been doing the see-through trunk, abbreviated tear-drop rear end since years before toyota, and that the new insight is clearly a 4-door evolution of the original insight styling. never mind that the prius only averages 39mpg in most road tests that involve driving in the real world (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). never mind that toyota makes two of the biggest automobiles on the road (the tundra and sequoia), or that they have 17 cars in their lineup, 9 of which are trucks or SUVs, while big bad chevy has only 15, with 7 being trucks or SUVs.

never mind those facts, while toyota convinces you that the prius is the most advanced technology on the market, while they tell you that honda copied their styling, while they tell you that the prius gets 51/48 mpg, while they tell you that they are the small car captains of industry, while they tell you that they are the brand that is fighting for the little guy and his little car demands.

so how do they do it? how do they get the world to turn a blind eye to everything they are, and shout from the mountaintops everything they are not?

simple. catering to the simple minded.

the funny thing is, the simple minded may not be the ones your daddy told you about all those years. the simple minded, in this case, are the "hippies", or more accurately, the trustafarians, the neo-yuppies, and, occasionally, the new urban douchebags.

the simple fact about simple mindedness is this: there's a LOT of simple minded people out there; more than ever before, and they aren't just the people with the "cowboy up", "fuck dog, beware of owner", and "guns don't kill people, i kill people" bumper stickers. the sad truth is, the large majority of people driving around with "obama/biden", and "don't blame me, i voted for nader" stickers on their cars are just as simple minded as the rubes from any other demographic, they're just lucky enough to be en vogue these days.

so while chevy gets howie long to try and convince you that squeezing 1 more mpg out of their tahoe hybrid is a huge leap forward (and let's face it, it is for chevy), and ford gets the guy from dirty jobs to swing an F-150 around on a wrecking ball crane, by the trailer hitch, or dennis leary to yak about how real men need real-time integrated tow-assist, toyota gets a fleet of spandex clad interpretive dancers to pretend to be trees. or in the case of this newest ad blitz, not telling anyone (its not even on their website) that they are touring major cities throughout the US, installing temporary street art, using decades old technology, to create yet another quirky place to pamper your glowing rectangle obsession.

much like starbucks sucked in billions by convincing them of the "third place" concept (the idea that people have home to perfect their inner self, and work to perfect their outer citizen, but require a third place to allow the two to achieve harmony) toyota is taking it one step farther to convince you that, if the world just builds itself around you, you can be your own third place.

i think it's a great idea, this self contained third place. between giant daisy statues, and public outhouses (they are out there), all the world needs to do is provide some kind of public shower set up, and we can all live happy homeless.

the only problem with this as a way to sell toyotas, is that nothing about this ad campaign has anything to do with cars, nor does it display an ability to utilize innovative technology in a creative capacity. its just solar panels glued to the back of a giant daisy, which will no doubt, eventually end up in a scrap heap, or junk yard, or landfill, never biodegrading, or breaking down. just a whole garden of massive rusty flowers, like some sick alice in wonderland playset.

but if you look through the bullshit, if you see this ad campaign for what it is: a "look at me, look at me!" use of deco urban art, dated technology, and future trash, to pander to the "me first" crowd, you actually get a pretty good look at what toyota really is. in fact, a prius that uses a basic combustion engine paired with a electric motor, with a solar panel on the roof (only hooked to the AC. why?), that tells you in real-time what kind of mpg you are getting (as though, if your mpg dips too low, you will just pull over to the side of the road and walk the rest of the way) is a total sham.

the jetta TDI clean diesel loyal edition averages 36mpg in real world driving without hybrid assistance, the chevy volt runs on pure electric power for 40 miles before switching over to gas, texas instruments has been making calculators that run purely on solar panels since before i was born, and both full electric vehicles, and 60 mile batteries were available over a decade ago. an innovative use of cutting edge technology would be a car that runs on pure electric for over 60 miles, then switches to a hybrid that marries an electric engine to a clean diesel engine, and powers all electric gizmos and doodads in the cabin with the roof mounted solar panel (the roof of a car accommodates a pretty healthy sized solar panel). now that car would sell itself. of course, if you read this last paragraph thoroughly, you would already be saying to yourself, "an innovative use of cutting edge technology would be to bring back full electric cars, and make giant daisy statues that you can use to recharge said cars".

so if toyota is nothing more than the starbucks to chevy's dunkin' donuts, what's got us all so hot and bothered to ride the prius wave? what do lycra-clad people trees, and solar powered daisy shaped surge protectors have to do with making a decent car or saving the environment? what does toyota have that isn't offered in a better, cheaper, or more advanced version somewhere else? what makes toyota so special?

nothing.

that's the beauty of it.

in re:

efficient car plans found on blocks with VIN number scratched off, dead hooker in trunk

in light of the fact that most of the things i blog about are current events, and that, as the stories develop, things might change, or new information may come to light, i am instituting this new little feature i call in re:. this segment will contain blurbs on the matter of (fun fact: in re is latin for in the matter of) some new developments, or information that may affect something i have said in the past.

this first will be on the auto industry.

news on the GM hybrid vehicle front:

all of GMs "mild hybrid" models, which i mentioned in my post dated 06-01-09 (who needs capitalism...) are being killed off. good riddance to bad rubbish, or yet another move by GM that will cost more than it will save, and takes yet another step back to square one on their journey to efficient vehicles?

GM states that this move is in preparation for a new line of vehicles that will use more efficient powertrains that are in neither research nor development stages at the moment, to be available in the future. in the meantime, you want a hybrid GM? suck it long, and suck it hard. not that the hybrids GM was making were in any way efficient (averaging 2 mpg better and $4,000 more expensive than the standard powertrain). due to the intentions of this segment, i won't postulate yet how this move will work out for GM. especially since this is among the first major decisions under their new ownership. however, i would like to point out that this move is in eerie parallel to the move to scrap the EV-1, and seems to be following the same "straight line in reverse" tactics so characteristic of GM in the not so distant past. of course, like ty webb (chevy chase, caddyshack) says, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the opposite direction. GM sure knows this. that's how they found their way to chapter 11.

fiat buyout of chrysler is a go. garlic bread king gets burned, deemed "too cheesy"

the supreme court, after a short hiccup, has allowed the fiat buyout of chrysler to go through. the buyout includes the dodge viper brand that was earlier being left out in the cold. this comes as bad news to the garlic bread king of michigan, scott devon (not to be confused with actress devon scott, who is, herself, not to be confused with actor devon sawa). devon's penis enlargement plans, which included creating a supercar called the devon GTX (which would have simply been a dodge viper, renamed the devon GTX), got burned up like so much frozen garlic bread.

in addition, sergio marchionne, whose previous heroics include turning a company that is not so lovingly referred to as Fix It Again, Tony, into a respectable company (sadly, he pretty much did it by buying up a handful of better companies, that he couldn't afford...sound a little bit like an american car company that recently went bankrupt?) has announced plans to turn chrysler's "bigger is better, blocky design means a man drives this" model portfolio into a bunch of cute cars you can park perpendicular to the curb on a busy street. now how will all of us fat americans, who can't see our penises, know we are men? this is going to add a wrinkle to that whole gay marriage thing... (a penis wrinkle?)

IIHS selling wolf tales. does this surprise anyone?

the last bit of news on the auto industry comes as no surprise to anyone who has ever dealt with insurance agents.

the insurance institute for highway safety has claimed that small cars have a tricky little problem that doesn't befall big beefy cars.

let's first break down who the IIHS are. the IIHS is an independent "non profit" organization, funded by insurance providers, to make ludicrous claims about how much it costs to insure your vehicle. the fact that an organization that is funded by insurance companies is non profit is a good hearty laugh to me. but let's get on with this...

the IIHS has claimed that repairs to small cars that are involved in "fender benders" cost a larger portion of the cars total value than repairs on large fender bent cars. no shit. for example, says IIHS, a car in a 6mph collision may cost over $3,000 to fix, but this is around 30% of the initial cost of many "minicars". yeah, and? i've been in fender benders before in big cars and small, and it costs just as much to fix the damage. of course it's a smaller percentage of the initial value of a larger car, larger cars cost more, initially. what they are trying to do is scare you away from buying small cars because small cars cost less to insure, for now anyway. if people do what the IIHS is hoping they will do with this new "info", and freak out about small cars being less safe, then the insurance companies can raise the rates on small cars, which will supplement the money they stand to lose if small cars become more popular with the masses.

let's break down how a fender bender works: i space out and back my car into a pole. my fender is a bit crumpled. as it is a newer car, my fender is made entirely of flimsy plastic around a light bendy frame, so the repairs include a whole new piece of plastic, which needs to be painted, shipped, and installed, and some bending and mending of the cardboard-strong support brace that holds up that plastic. even though the only thing mitsubishi has to provide here is a piece of cheap plastic, they are going to charge way too much for that piece. and even though the only thing the body shop is really doing is bolting that piece of plastic to my car, they are going to charge me somewhere between $75 and $150 dollars an hour, because apparently these people are more talented and important than doctors and lawyers (then why did they install my windshield wiper upside down?). the next move is for my insurance company to raise my rates based on the cost of repairs.

now, the more a car company charges for parts, the more money the company makes, so it behooves them to charge as much as they can possibly get away with, here. especially if it means scaring people away from buying smaller, cheaper cars (doesn't logic dictate that a smaller car is made of smaller pieces of plastic, and smaller pieces are cheaper?) and the body shop guys just get to charge whatever they can get away with, really. it doesn't matter to them, as long as you figure your insurance company is paying for it, and while they're at it, don't a lot of insurance companies have a list of body shops they will allow you to use? even the "better" companies will recommend body shops and mechanics whether you ask them to or not, and if someone is just throwing business at the body shops, don't you think they might be willing to throw a little back in the form of shifting cost of repairs? why might shifting cost of repairs matter to the insurer? because the insurance company raises your rates in proportion to how much the repairs cost. a more expensive fix means that for as long as that fender bender is on your record, they get a lot more money out of you. the difference in repair costs will be more than made up for by your new rape, i mean rate.

follow the money people. the buck never stops.

in conclusion, as an italian american, i would like to invite our newest paisan, chrysler, to the sons of italy. we meet every other monday, at the knights of columbus. you will be issued your framed picture of the pope, a jug of table wine, and the latest edition of speaka d'english for dummies which will teach you to talk way too fast, and make broad, arbitrary gestures with your hands.

benvenuto! le bevande sono laggiù.